so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
