My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
