$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
