Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
