Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
