6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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