On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
