they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
