Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
