I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
