I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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