Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
