Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
