Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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