I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
