1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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