Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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