i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
