new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
