Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're like the curious george of whores
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
