he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
