Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
