First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
