my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
