About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
