There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
