was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
