Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
