she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
