i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
