could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
