turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
