cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
