Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
