we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
