Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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