Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
