I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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