he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
