Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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