wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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