gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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