If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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