Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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