I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
