I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
