im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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