He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
