Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
