Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
