I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found your dick twin last night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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